Strolling
by pinkfilly
Summary: This is just a story about how Harry is feeling at the moment and of his feelings for Ginny.
1. To stroll is to be free

Hey! I decided to completely change this story because I hated it so much, and it didn't fit into the present books anyway. This story is dedicated to my friend Emma, who practically forced me to write it. Enjoy.

Harry didn't want a girlfriend; he didn't fancy anyone in the slightest, not now anyway, not after the death of his beloved Dumbledore. Guilt tripped and blackmailed into another season of going out with Ginny, he thought to himself it wasn't pleasant, but somebody had to do it. That thought didn't please Harry but he knew that this was something that he alone had to do.

He had to make Ginny live, help her to fight she was a great asset to the DA and if going out with her again was the only way… so be it. It wasn't an easy decision and he had spent many nights in agony in his bed twisting and turning until he was out of breath. Many of those worry filled nights he had twisted the sheets so tightly around himself that he had to magic himself out of them

If it wasn't for the fact that all of his friends had approved of Ginny he was certain he wouldn't have even considered her. Sure, going out with her in the first place was fun, he got to finally perfect his snogging skills something he had been lacking on for quite some time. But her being his girlfriend now was like going out with Moaning Myrtle, when she was depressed she made him depressed and being depressed wasn't something that would help him now. Not with the dementors swarming around, not with Voldemort and certainly not with thoughts of Dumbledore and "what if?" scenarios he made up for himself.

You see, Harry blamed himself for Dumbledore's death stupid and pointless though it was, he blamed himself more than he blamed Snape and Draco. He kept thinking about it, over and over again. Nothing Ginny could do would cheer him up, not that she helped much anyway, snogging with Ginny just didn't do it for him anymore.

Now almost a week after he proposed to Ginny that they should get back together and fight Voldemort, he was starting to regret it. Life at the burrow was utterly pointless after being kicked out of the Dursley's place shortly after his seventeenth birthday. He had magiced himself to the burrow that night and arrived on the Weasley's doorstep sopping wet from the storm that had raged that night.

Surprised and happy though they were to see him, he didn't doubt that they would be happy to see the back of him. He had been a burden on them for years, he knew that no matter how much he saved their lives ,was a general little treasure to Mrs Weasley and friend to them all he just wasn't cut out to be a Weasley. He didn't have ginger hair for starters anyway.

Maybe that was why he went out with Ginny so that if one day they got married he would finally be a part of the Weasley family, something he had yearned for for years. He shuddered to think about a marriage with Ginny and several ginger haired children.

Marriage scared him, to love someone as much as that and to spend your life with them. Harry considered a divorce as well if they did get married, but his heart wasn't in it. Why marry somebody you don't love, scarcely even like as a friend?

It irked him to be thinking of that evil word marriage, that bonded two seeminglessly 'in love' people together. Couldn't somebody be as self sufficient by themselves?

But even as that thought whizzed through his brain he couldn't help but realise he didn't want to be alone, and he certainly didn't want to be with Ginny, being with Ginny was like keeping a caged animal. He wasn't free to roam muggle London like he occasionally did when he managed to free himself of his babysitters, and chat up some nice looking barmaid in a dirty old pub.

Ginny wanted to be with him everywhere, and if she knew where he was now she would explode he was sure. Not that he was doing anything against the law or anything, it was just she was so overprotective of him.

Sure he was the 'chosen one' the one who supposedly was going to end this war, but he needed his freedom just as much as the next man, maybe even more.

It wasn't love or even lust keeping himself with Ginny; it was a sense of duty. A word he was as much familiar with as death. He tried not to think of the word death, the word that haunted his very nightmares to the point where he woke up crying and screaming for his mother.

The sad thing was his mother never came, not even as a spirit, never gave him a sign that she was there at all. That saddened and maddened Harry to the point of no return. He couldn't believe that his mum or even his father even though they were dead would leave him to deal with this all by himself. Couldn't they see how distressed he was? How angry? How upset?

And then another thought entered his head, maybe they sent Ginny for him? Maybe they like many others approved of their relationship? Maybe they like Ron and Hermione expected them to elope?

Too much thinking hurt his brain as it was doing so now; he glanced at his watch, he should be heading back now. How was he to enter the burrow unnoticed? But he suddenly didn't care and didn't even worry that maybe he had strolled a little too far from the burrow. It certainly seemed like that now.

When Harry was hurting inside he strolled, a really strange thing to do now that the wizarding world was in turmoil. But Harry never stopped to think about himself anymore, he thought about the good of his people. Like a king he did his duty but not with a smile placed apon his lips, but a grimace and a snarl.

His life was screwed, he knew it, everybody else knew it, but nobody said a thing. Everybody avoided him to the point where Harry felt like screaming in frustration and yelling at the stars that now twinkled at him gently behind a blanket of black silk that was the sky.

He stopped walking when he entered an unfamiliar park, and decided he better head back to the burrow, no doubt Ginny was worrying herself silly over him.

That thought angered him for a moment, why can't Ginny worry about someone else? But then he saw the sense in her worrying, he was a very accident prone boy, no man, hard to think of himself of a man. He had never felt less like a man in his life.

He walked over to the parks play equipment and swung on the swings, thinking. The night was dark and the mist was getting stronger a sure sign a dementor was not too far off. Deciding that he didn't want to be attacked at night, wandless by a dementor or a death eater, he figured it was time to walk home. The burrow was as home as any place had been in his life.

Harry didn't care about his life now; he was past caring, he didn't care if he lived or if he died. It was all the same to him; at least if he was dead he wouldn't have to worry about all the Ginny nonsense taking place. And he could see his parents again, he smiled, he would like that a lot.

Maybe it was his sense of duty that kept him walking back to safety that night, or maybe he was just too tired to fight for his life. He was still and would always be the chosen one, the one to fight Voldemort, the one that has so much shit in his life that it was almost utterly pointless to live at all. No amount of wishing and praying would change that. Ever.

Well that's it! Please R&R, I'm not quite sure what do with this fic, so I'll leave it at this chapter before I decide what to do with it. Suggestions are always welcome!


	2. Argument

Hey all! Next chappie is up! So sorry it's really short but as I'm still deciding what to do with this fic, this was basically all I could work on until I've got the plot sorted out. A very big thank you to my beta Emma, so once again this chapter is dedicated to her. Enjoy.

A small explosion greeted Harry when he finally stepped into the Burrow, nearly two hours after he had gone for his midnight stroll. 

Of course, as he had predicted, Ginny had worried herself the whole time he was gone.

"I didn't even realize you'd gone Harry, don't ever scare me like that!" she screamed her eyes blazing. Harry swore he nearly saw steam coming out of her ears.

Harry rolled his eyes to the heavens. Honestly couldn't she leave him alone for a couple of hours? He wasn't a little boy anymore; he didn't need her constant fussing over him.

"Ginny I don't need your constant protection! Okay? Can't you just leave me alone!"

Ginny's look of outrage was enough to silence Harry, she really looked scary. Her face was flushed with anger.

"Whatever Harry! You are the one who is in most danger in the whole wizarding world! Don't you dare tell me that you don't need a babysitter!" She then folded her arms and stormed out of the kitchen, knocking an enchanted chair flying.

It dazedly got up and hobbled back to its original place, near the table, humming an angry tune to itself.

Harry ran his cold hands through his hair, he didn't need this now, he needed to have a good nights sleep and then rethink his situation in the morning. Everything always looked a little brighter in the morning.

He exited the kitchen and trudged up the stairs, passing Ginny's bedroom as he went. He thought he heard a muffled sobbing behind the closed door. He didn't stop though; he didn't want to waste any energy on comforting her, not after she made him feel like he couldn't take care of himself.

He finally got to Ron's room, where he had been staying since he got to the Burrow. He turned the handle gently and entered the room as quiet as his body would let him, which was shaking with anger at the moment.

Unfortunately his wishes to get to bed quietly weren't granted. Ron was already awake sitting on the end of his bed. When he saw Harry he ran up to him and Harry noticed that he also looked incredibly angry.

"What have you done to my sister? I heard that row! What were you fighting about!" he demanded fiercely.

Harry really didn't need this, not when he really wanted to get to bed, but he knew he really shouldn't anger his best friend. So drawing himself up and trying desperately hard to calming himself he replied. 

"Ginny was treating me like a baby again; I just let her know that I didn't appreciate it." Harry hoped that Ron would accept this answer, so he could get straight into his comfortable looking bed. He stole a glance at it, yup it still looked inviting.

Ron looked him up and down almost sizing him up, Harry wished he would stop; he didn't like being interrogated by his best friends. Finally Ron nodded.

"She is my sister Harry, so I know that she can be annoying. Why don't you just get into bed? We can discuss it in the morning Harry. I don't know about you but I am tired." And with that he walked back to his bed and leapt in it. He turned his back away from Harry however, and Harry knew he wasn't going to cop it lightly in the morning.

But Harry was grateful for finally being allowed to sleep; he hurried over to his suitcase and quickly changed into his pajamas. It was cold and Harry knew that it must be very late.

Once he was changed he went into the bathroom and did his before bed rituals. Toilet, washing his face, normal before bed things. He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and almost gasped at how sunken in his eyes looked, his skin was very pasty white and his scar was as prominent as ever.

This scared Harry; he leaned into the mirror and felt his face with hands. It still felt the same, but his face was cold, very cold. It felt like he was touching ice. He turned on the hot water tap and proceeded to try and heat his face up.

After trying in vain for ten minutes, he finally admitted defeat. If this was the way his face was going to behave, then it could. Maybe if he looked so hideous in the morning, Ginny might not want to go out with him anymore. Harry thought that was quite a good idea.

He grabbed his toothbrush and walked back into Ron's room, being careful to shut the door quietly. He practically ran to his bed and almost threw himself on to it.

He got himself into the sheets and suddenly realized how cold they were. But his body was too tired to care anymore. As soon as his head hit the pillow he was asleep, grateful finally to be able to relax in his bed.


	3. Wedding?

Ha! Chapter! Well, mini chapter…

"Oh Harry I can't believe it!" screamed Hermione, her face lighting up with a big grin

"Believe what?" answered Harry, as he lay down on the battered mattress which was his bed.

"You've gotten married to Ginny, Harry! I can't believe you never told me!" she exclaimed, coming and sitting on Ron's bed opposite him. All though her tone implied she was angry, her body language certainly conveyed that she wasn't. She looked practically delighted.

"Haha Hermione, I'm not married to her." Replied Harry, rolling over and facing the wall.

Hermione's confused tone surprised him "Harry, don't be silly. Look I even have proof."

He heard her leave the room, but didn't really care, _what on earth is she on about? _thought Harry. _I haven't married Ginny._

A few minutes later Hermione re-entered the room, she was holding a heavy leather bounded album with 'memories' stamped across the cover.

"Here, look Harry, your wedding photos." She threw the album at him, and sat down once more on Ron's bed. Glaring at him, with her arms tightly folded across her chest.

"MY WHAT!" roared Harry, pain not even seeming to register as the heavy book hit him in the ribs. He was very alarmed now, and starting to feel very scared.

He jumped up into a sitting position with his legs crossed underneath him. He slowly opened the album, afraid of what he might find. He had every right to be afraid, inside the album were photos that appeared to be from his wedding to Ginny. There he was in every photo sulking, while Ginny appeared to be having the time of her life. As he watched the photos, he saw his photo self give a very big grimace as Ginny kissed him on the cheek.

Harry's worst nightmare had been realised. He looked at his left hand, and there bold as brass on his wedding finger was a heavy set gold ring, Harry screamed, Hermione looked alarmed, and the whole room was thrown into chaos.

Very short, I know. But I've just had a brainwave for the next chapter and kind of had to put this in as a mini chapter.


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